The Quest for Equanimity

By Rom Watson
c. June 5, 2013

Life is a balancing act.  Several balancing acts in fact, occurring simultaneously.  For those old enough to remember The Ed Sullivan Show, or young enough to have seen the clips on YouTube, think of plate spinner Erich Brenn, who ran around the stage keeping multiple dinner plates spinning atop slender poles while the orchestra played Aram Khachaturian’s “Sabre Dance.”  Brenn’s act was a visual metaphor for life, a metaphor that once seen is never forgotten.

Some balancing acts are harder than others.  Sports, for example.  News reports reveal the extent of doping, making the practice seem pervasive.  Why do many athletes take performance-enhancing drugs?  The spirit of competition is a strong part of their personalities.  If they weren’t competitive, they wouldn’t be very good at what they do.  The very thing that makes athletes good at their sport is the same thing that makes many of them turn to drugs, causing their ruin.

Another example is acting.  Why do many actors have such little regard for rules and boundaries?  Because good acting requires you to be open, childlike, intuitive and unpredictable.  If you don’t have these qualities you won’t be a very good actor.  The very thing that makes actors excel in their field is the same thing that makes it hard for them to live by the rules and observe the boundaries of adulthood and decorum.

A third example is war.  The inclination for war comes from the ratio of hormones within men’s bodies.  The only way to eradicate war would be to eradicate testosterone.  However, without it our species would not survive. Testosterone is the poison that keeps us alive.  The very thing that perpetuates the human race is the same thing that causes its ongoing destruction.

The question for each athlete, actor and man is, “How do I achieve and maintain equilibrium?”

“How do I use my competitiveness to fuel me without succumbing to it?”

“How do I remain childlike in my art, yet be a responsible adult in my personal life?”

“How do I be a man, and embrace my inherent maleness, without killing anybody?”

The news reports are filled with stories of men who grappled with these questions and emerged defeated. The line between savage and sage is a thin one, and difficult to walk.  I am not quick to judge them because I know firsthand that consistently doing the right thing is difficult.  If everything contains the seed of its own destruction, then we should strive to prevent that seed from sprouting, but maturity is like sobriety: both require constant vigilance to keep from falling off the wagon and repeating old behavior.

On a daily basis, each of us is confronted with the perpetual puzzle of how to keep every aspect of our inner and outer life in balance.  Equanimity is the quest, and poise is the prize.

Though I do not participate in sports or acting or war, I have my own constant struggle to first be aware of what needs to be balanced, and then to achieve that balance. I have no answers, only a hunch that struggling makes it worse.

As time goes on, there do seem to be fewer broken plates at my feet, an indication that I’ve gotten better at keeping them all spinning.  Now if only I could get the persistent, propulsive melody of “Sabre Dance” out of my head.